Do you have a strong ‘inner critic’? 🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣 Are you constantly finding fault with yourself, judging yourself harshly and questioning your decisions or actions? ❓❗️❓❗️❓❗️❓❗️❓❗️❓❗️❓❗️❓ If so, do you know where your inner critic stems from? It could be an overly critical parent, a bully in school, a controlling ex partner or a tyrannical boss. ⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️ My own inner critic originates from various teachers at my all girls private school (many moons ago). I was rubbish at Maths, and when you’ve had class test results pinned to the notice board with names listed top to bottom by marks (yes I was always at the bottom), and you’ve been told often enough that you’ll never amount to much, you begin to believe it. 🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯 I can still go back to that feeling at times, but I now know that it’s no longer relevant nor does it serve me well. In sessions I help clients trace back to the source of the negative voice in their heads, and help them update their script. Where was your ‘inner critic’ born? ... See MoreSee Less
What motivates you to stay in your relationship/marriage? Identifying this can be the first step on the road to recovery. Once you get stuck in a cycle of resentment and miscommunication, overwhelmed with the details of day to day life, it’s easy to forget the positives. Thinking about what first drew you together and what’s positive now can be a great starting point for therapy.
Maybe you’ve swept things under the carpet that actually need to be aired out and worked through- are you avoiding the elephant in the room? Are you entrenched in your positions of who’s right and who’s wrong? Do you expect your partner to be a mind reader? Do you play the game of ‘competitive tiredness’? Have you got stuck in a pursuer/distancer dance when it comes to sex?
There will always be an element of difference and conflict in a long term relationship. You are two separate people with your own needs and wants, as well as one half of a couple. It’s how you deal with this that’s important. Avoiding conflict and walking on eggshell are equally as damaging as constant volatility.
In my Couples MOT sessions, clients learn to start really listening to each other and communicating, addressing issues in an open, honest and respectful way. I guide couples through the different stages of a relationship and help them identify and break patterns of negativity. We explore themes such as feeling unappreciated, family issues, parenting styles, money and sex. I help clients understand what personality traits and past learnt behaviours they unconsciously bring to the relationship, so that they start to recognise each other’s triggers and stress factors. The result: a happier, calmer, more fulfilling and loving relationship- what better gift for Valentines Day?